Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Clouds in My Coffee

Have I mentioned that I've been in a funk lately? Not just regarding my exercise and diet, but just in general. Today really reflects my mood: it's been terribly stormy, and once the storms have gone, it still hasn't really cleared out. Cloud #1 hanging over my head (literally). Seriously, if I could make up some sort of credible excuse, I might have to just crawl back into bed.

But I didn't. I got up, put on some clothes, and have chained myself to my computer for most of the day. I've been working on two seperate articles to submit for journal review. When I check my email, I find out that a third article has been rejected. Cloud #2. I usually get REALLY upset over rejections, but these reviews, although harsh, are also helpful. Once I clear my research agenda with these two articles that need to go out ASAP, I'm going to jump right on revising this one, not ignoring it for years, as I've done with other articles.

Now, if only I could do that with my exercise. Yesterday was another crappy run. Cloud #3. Tomorrow, I'm gearing up for another run. I *have* to make it through this one. I'm just getting so frustrated with this 25 minute run which I don't seem to make it through. I know part of it is the whole allergy/humidity situation that we have going on here. I think another part of it is a huge mental block. I've been feeling very heavy lately. It's so stupid, but it's true. There's no way on earth that I'd let myself regain the 45-ish pounds I've lost over the past year. But, after five months of C25K, why am I willing to just shrug it off? Did I not put a lot of time and effort into going from running for 60 seconds straight (thanks Margie Anne for encouraging me to go back and read those blog posts from the beginning) to running for at least 20 minutes straight? Then, yesterday, while I reached that 20 minute point and gave up... YET AGAIN... why was I thinking of shelving the whole running thing until it cools down? Sure, giving up is the easy thing to do. But, frustration definitely isn't making my life any easier.


MargieAnne said...

Don't be too hard on yourself. You are a changing woman. Your response to the rejection and urge to revise is a huge step forward. This is not just about weight but how we feel about ourselves and life in general.

Being off with allergies and weather conditions is normal. The fact that you are willing to keep going, push through, is proof of the new woman.

Keep on getting out there and stop fretting when it doesn't go quite to plan. It will come right. End of Bossy talk.

You look wonderful I don't think you'll go back. See this review if you are really worried about that. Sept 9th post on Anne's Blog http://notamidlifecrisis.blogspot.com/

Hope those articles go well for you.

Chrissie said...

Hang in there. You have came too far to quit now. Just keep going. We all get in ruts but once we get past them we learn something and become stronger.

Anne said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog. Your blog looks interesting and I've marked it to come back and read and catch up on your journey, hopefully back tomorrow:-)

MizFit said...

struggling here as to what to say as, for me, platitudes make me IRRITATED so I dont wanna even remotely go there.

you CAN do this though.

revisions? rejections? I very much know what youre feeling.

hang in there as they are NOT worth sabotaging yourself.


binky said...

Hang in there... you can do it.

One of the hard things about revising work you did during a bad relationship is that the work takes you back to a bad place and time. I swear that's why I never did more with my dissertation. Everytime I looked at it, there was Butthead.