Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Vice City

This time of the semester is my worst eating time... well, midterms kind of equal the end of the semester, but that is besides the point. Some of you know that I've been writing two conference papers that are driving me straight up the wall (coauthor issues on one of them), that I've been ignoring all the grading that I have because of these stupid papers, and I've been writing really crappy lectures along those lines as well. What you may not know is that I'm a muncher. Or a grazer... but I think grazing connotates cows and grass, and trust me, when I get stressed and overworked the only thing that I want to eat is salty, chocolately, bad-for-me goodness. No grass or veggies or anything good for me during times like this. I can tell you about trips to the bookstore when I was writing my dissertation (and the campus bookstore was as good as any convinience store!) where I would emerge with jumbo bags of M&Ms, Cheetos, and a 20 oz. Cherry Coke. This is my first semester where I am not medicating myself via the vending machine. I gave up chocolate for Lent (d'oh!), the Cheetos grab bag is like 10 points a piece, and I have a diet coke in my work fridge. I CAN'T DO IT. The only thing I could justify is the Cheetos, and I can't justify 10 points on something that can be inhaled in less than a minute.

So, where do I find myself? I'm like an ex-smoker who has gotten the urge. Maybe if I look in every drawer, all the nooks and crannies of my fridge, something will materialize, like that forgotten pack of cigs I forgot to throw out after I quit. I just had a revelation... is food my crack? Am I the 197 pound equivolent of Amy Winehouse? But instead of the press taking pictures of me smoking a pipe or having white residue on my nose, they'd find me with donut powder or chocolate residue around my mouth. Oh gawd, what a thought!

Forunately (maybe unfortunately? I haven't decided), I've done a good job of not keeping any bad for me munchy foods in my house. And by staying in my PJs all day, I'm not tempted to run to the grocery where one of my students might find me in my light blue Santa monkey flannel pajamas with a ball cap on my head, swan diving into the junk foods aisle. So, maybe this cold turkey thing will work for me. It doesn't make me any less on edge while typing or grading, I'm chewing a pack of gum a day... but hopefully, all this will show when I step on the scale on Saturday, that it will show that I've lost instead of gained nothing through mindless munching.

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