Weekly Weigh In: I left my motivation in San Francisco...

Okay, channelling Tony Bennett... I left my motivation in Philly over the weekend. Last Friday, I didn't post my Weekly Weigh In, because we left very early to drive to Philly to visit my mom for her birthday. But I had a very successful week... losing close to three pounds!! Fast forward one week, lots of eating out, no exercise, and some stress eating, guess what? That weekly weigh in is gone. I've literally gained back the weight that I lost last week. So, I find myself back at the beginning.

But according to Julie Andrews, isn't that a very good place to start? Well, maybe not on this health journey.

I started to think about my lost motivation. Why do I want to lose weight?

1) I want to get off my blood pressure meds.

2) I don't want to have a stroke at age 41, like my cousin did.

3) I want to be able to conceive without any problems, when the time is right.

4) I don't want a difficult pregnancy, nor do I want to be classified as high risk pregnancy.

5) I want to be able to fit in clothes that I can buy in the "misses" section, not the "plus" section.

6) I want to be strong again.

7) I don't want to get winded walking up the stairs at my office (four flights) or walking from my parking lot to the office (all uphill).

8) I want to look awesome in a bathing suit on my honeymoon.

9) I want to feel sexy in my wedding dress.

10) I don't want to have to wear spanx to suck in my belly.

Most of my reasons are health related, but there are some vanity ones in there as well. I want to be healthy, but I also want to be happy, and yes, my self-esteem has taken a hit lately. I've been racking my brain lately as to what I can do to motivate myself. Somehow, waking up to do workout tapes has not been motivating. I think that I need to re-join a gym. I loved working out at the gym, using the weight machines, the rowing machine, etc. I felt strong then. And, thanks to my job, I have a new temporary six-month raise (yes, it's temporary, don't ask, I'll take what I can get) that I can justify using for this venture. So, here we go again. To me, starting over again and again is probably better than just giving up all together, right? And maybe, I'll get this thing going once again.

My Biggest Fear

I'm sitting here watching last week's episode of the Biggest Loser... and certain woman (who's name I don't remember, I know, awful) moved me to tears with her story. She's had multiple miscarriages due to her weight. While I have never been pregnant and am currently not trying to get pregnant, I know how much of a factor weight is on a healthy pregnancy, and at three months out from my 31st birthday, I'd be lying if I didn't say that this was something on my mind. And this woman... she embodies everything I'm afraid of. *shudder*

The next step on my weight loss journey is that I joined Weight Watchers online today. All I can say is WTF? I've had success on the old school WW plan, so I thought I'd try this new plan out. I used the calculator around lunch time today and the calculations don't use calories anymore. Um, what? What do you mean points are based off of carbs, fat, fiber, and protein? Where are the calories?!? Why aren't they important? I have to admit that I was also a bit turned off by the fact that most of my fallback foods have higher point values now. Ugh. I was ready to call it quits by 6PM. But then I realized, crap, I just bought myself three months worth of this, I might as well ride it out. I also made a commitment to a friend who bought herself three months of the program as well to work along side with her.

Damn... commitment is hard... but worth it :)

And now for my disappearing act!

Nah, I didn't give up on blogging that easily. I was in New Orleans for a conference! New Orleans is a very special place for me, mainly because it's where Andy asked me to marry him last year. He joined me on this trip, and we made the most of it, even though I had a full day of work that needed to be done before I could enjoy myself. We did a ton of walking, especially around the French Quarter:



I love New Orleans because it is such a walkable city. It's pretty flat, and the sidewalks are wide, and there is minimal public transportation. You *have* to walk. According to Google Maps, it was a 1.4 mile walk one way from our hotel to the French Quarter. That's almost three miles roundtrip! We also walked to dinners and along the Mississippi. It was a great walking trip. However, if you've been to New Orleans, you know there is one place that you *have* to go. It's the place that serves these wonderful things:



Mmm, beignets. Yes, they are deep fried dough covered in powdered sugar, but they are quintessential French Market cuisine. And yes, while I've been indulging myself a bit too often, you can't go on a trip to New Orleans and not have these. That being said, I'll be back on track tomorrow morning: food, exercise, and accountability.

My life in stickies

I'm a huge Post-It note (in my vernacular, "stickies") fan. I make a to-do list every day on a sticky note, tuck it inside my planner, and try to follow it religiously. However, yesterday, I read this article about how you should only have six "to-dos" on your sticky note in order to not feel overwhelmed and actually accomplish things throughout your day. So, I thought I'd try it out:



Did you catch #6? Yes, that's right. In the middle of my very busy day, I thought that exercise was important enough to be on my narrow list of things to do. And I'm proud of myself. I came home from the office a bit exhausted, and almost got sucked into watching a "Tabitha's Salon Takeover" marathon on Bravo (anything on that channel is extremely addictive to me). But I finally put my workout clothes on and did 30 minutes of the Biggest Loser's Boot Camp. I owned this since October, but haven't tried it once. Lots of squats and lunges and weights along with some cardio.... kinda reminds me of Jillian's 30 Day Shred, but taken down a notch. I liked it. It was just what I needed.

Did you include exercise on your sticky (whether real or mental) today?

Putting things into perspective

I'd like to blame my future mother-in-law. Over the summer, she insisted on taking a picture of Andy and myself, so she could post it on Facebook for all her friends to see. Um, no. Not one picture looked right, so although much to her disappointment, she erased them. I'd also like to blame my future sister-in-law. She won a camera at her company's Christmas party, and while she's been photo attacking everyone, the photos she posted on her Picasa made me pause and say, Oh my.

Have I really gotten that big?

I've realized over the past few months that I really need to put things in perspective. After all, I gained an easy 20 pounds from October 2009 until January 2010 (stop exercise and add Christmas cookies... yeah, it's that easy). Mix in a research sabbatical that meant that I could sit around and wear nothing but sweatpants and pajamas all day, stir in some back to school shopping (in a larger size), and poof... not surprisingly, I'm almost 40 pounds heavier than I was 15 months ago.

If that isn't scary enough, I looked at it a bit differently while I was updating this blog. I'm about 30 pound lighter than my heaviest weight. When did the scales tip in that direction? Sure, when I was just 20 pounds heavier than my lowest weight, that was an "easy" number to return to. But now... I'm in that "oh shit" zone. How did I get back here? When did the scales tip over 200 and I was okay with that? Why was I able to cancel my gym membership, completely unfazed?

I know what everyone is thinking: oh no, here comes *another* new year's resolution. But honestly, I think I've outgrown that. I'm going to turn 31 in a few months, I'm getting married a few months after that, and the next step is to start a family. There is no way that is going to happen if I'm not healthy. Trust me, it isn't all about looking great in pictures (but damn how they show us what we've been denying), it's about getting back to a healthy weight and being happy.

Welcome back to my journey.