Putting things into perspective

I'd like to blame my future mother-in-law. Over the summer, she insisted on taking a picture of Andy and myself, so she could post it on Facebook for all her friends to see. Um, no. Not one picture looked right, so although much to her disappointment, she erased them. I'd also like to blame my future sister-in-law. She won a camera at her company's Christmas party, and while she's been photo attacking everyone, the photos she posted on her Picasa made me pause and say, Oh my.

Have I really gotten that big?

I've realized over the past few months that I really need to put things in perspective. After all, I gained an easy 20 pounds from October 2009 until January 2010 (stop exercise and add Christmas cookies... yeah, it's that easy). Mix in a research sabbatical that meant that I could sit around and wear nothing but sweatpants and pajamas all day, stir in some back to school shopping (in a larger size), and poof... not surprisingly, I'm almost 40 pounds heavier than I was 15 months ago.

If that isn't scary enough, I looked at it a bit differently while I was updating this blog. I'm about 30 pound lighter than my heaviest weight. When did the scales tip in that direction? Sure, when I was just 20 pounds heavier than my lowest weight, that was an "easy" number to return to. But now... I'm in that "oh shit" zone. How did I get back here? When did the scales tip over 200 and I was okay with that? Why was I able to cancel my gym membership, completely unfazed?

I know what everyone is thinking: oh no, here comes *another* new year's resolution. But honestly, I think I've outgrown that. I'm going to turn 31 in a few months, I'm getting married a few months after that, and the next step is to start a family. There is no way that is going to happen if I'm not healthy. Trust me, it isn't all about looking great in pictures (but damn how they show us what we've been denying), it's about getting back to a healthy weight and being happy.

Welcome back to my journey.