It's hard to believe that this journey started seven years ago. That was when my first post on this blog was published, back in January 2008. It's now the end of March 2015 and I'm back where I started. I actually don't think I'm as heavy as I was back in grad school, although, as I've mentioned before, I never stepped on a scale in grad school so I couldn't tell you. What I COULD tell you is that I've been stuck fluctuating between the same ten pounds since August 2013, and I'm sick of it.
I'm sick of being at this weight.
I'm sick of having to take blood pressure medicine.
I'm sick of having to buy "plus sized" clothes.
I'm sick of not feeling comfortable unless I'm wearing spanx in public.
I'm sick of thinking about going to the pool with my son this summer. He adores the water, and I hate my thighs.
I'm sick of hearing that I am having bad luck getting pregnant because I'm obese.
I'm just sick of it.
I spoke to a life coach today. That's something that I never would have done eight years ago, but I'm doing a productivity project at work, and part of it is having access to life coaches. I told him about my life: how I have a great husband and son, how I am doing well at work... but how I feel guilty about taking any time for myself. And when I say taking time for myself, I don't mean getting weekly pedicures. I mean, taking 30 minutes to go work out. Back in 2008, I would go to a 45 minute spin class without even considering the effects. Now? 30 minutes seems to be a deal breaker in my mind.
So, my life coach told me to create a mission. Tomorrow, I am celebrating my 35th birthday. I don't want to spend another year at this weight. I want to be healthy. I don't want to be self-conscious. I don't want to feel like a blob when I'm sitting on a couch. I want to be able to shop at Target, for Pete's sake! So, starting Monday, I will be making better choices about my food. I will be making conscious efforts to be more active once I am cleared for exercise on Wednesday (I had an appendectomy a few weeks ago). All in all, I am looking to make my life better. So, stay tuned.