Update from Thanksgiving Central

Last night's Biggest Loser? All I have to say is that Amy C. got what she deserved by not kicking off Vicki last week. But she looks AWESOME. And how great were Michelle and Renee last night? I hope they make it all the way to the end. They are just awesome.

I've been running while I'm at home. Last Friday I went for a run and was wearing my usual long sleeved wicking shirt under a tee, and the old crossing guard yelled at me. He said I was going to catch bronchitus from running in the cold and being sweaty at the same time. I laughed at him and ran across the street.

Went shopping yesterday at Ann Taylor Loft. They had this great top that I've been lusting after, and I brought both an XL and a Large into the dressing room. I also wanted to try it on with a pair of black pants, but they didn't have a 14 on the rack. So I picked up a 12. And guess what: The XL was WAY too big, the Large fit perfect... AS DID THE SIZE 12 PANTS. WOOT!!!!

I hope that everyone has a good Thanksgiving. And don't sweat a few treats tomorrow. Enjoy yourself and get back on track with some holiday shopping on Friday :)

Weekly Weigh In: Woo Hoo!

I continue moving down on the scale: I lost 1.4 pounds this week, which rocks my world!!! I really worked out hard this week. I restarted the 30 Day Shred (mainly since I've stopped, I've gotten kind of soft in the middle), went to Spinning on Sunday and Tuesday, and went for a run on Saturday. Yesterday, I skipped my workout to go out to dinner with E and another girl that we work with. You know, having a regular bitchfest (ptg, what did you call it? an eatandbitch?) really really helps with work. All three of us have been having rough weeks, workwise, and it just helped to eat some yummy food and talk it out. After two hours of sitting there and bitching and laughing, I felt a lot more relaxed. It was just what I needed. I ended up having a huge salad with goat cheese (yum) and a stuffed portabella mushroom cap, with zucchini, summer squash, onions, and artichoke hearts. Not so bad, although I'm pretty sure those veggies were sauteed in ridiculous amounts of oil.

I might have mentioned it in the comments of someone else's blog, but I'm putting it out here. I want to lose a total of 35 pounds by the end of 2008. That means I'm 4.8 pounds away from my goal. I have 4.5 weeks to lose these 4.8 pounds... and I think I can do this. I set this goal for myself because I want a reason NOT to pig out at all these wonderful dinners and parties that I will be going to over the next 4.5 weeks. It's also a doable goal... although, as always, I will be happy if I lose 3 or 4 of those pounds instead of the whole 4.8!

So, blogger friends, I am off for Thanksgiving break. Because of huntin' season (yes, it's not hunting season, it's huntin' season), we get all of next week off, which means I'm heading home to no internet land today. Of course, you might find me later this week perched on a stool at Panera, checking email and giving you guys some highlights of my trip, how I'm trying to avoid gaining weight at home (my poor mom... she's so happy that I've lost all this weight, but she's so torn because to her, she wants to feed me. She's Italian, what can I say?) So, no Biggest Loser update or Weekly Weigh In next week. Sorry :( I wish all of you and your families a happy and safe Thanksgiving... and that we keep it moving through the holidays!!

Biggest Loser: You Wanna Piece of Me?

Before I jump into my Biggest Loser post, I have to tell you guys about the funniest thing that happened today. I went to spin class, as usual, and there were two guys in class tonight (apart from the old guy who's there every week). I've seen both of these guys around the gym before, and I'd have to say they're about my age. Well, spinning was crazy tonight. I don't know what happened, but my legs felt like lead. I kept going, but eased up on the resistance a bit... but still sweated like anything...seriously, it was just dripping off of me. When we were done, the guy on the bike next to me gave me a fist bump and he was like "yeah! great job!" I almost laughed out loud (I hope I didn't!) because I really needed that encouragement after my legs felt so tough!

BIGGEST LOSER ALERT. SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, I have to say, I'd love to be on an island with Bob, and since Amy has given up her "island" that she made for herself, I'd be happy to take her place since Bob supposedly resides there. Sigh. He's sooooooooooo dreamy. Even in his nut-hugger 80s shorts.

But onto the game. Seriously, someone needs to use a taser on Vicky. What was up with calling Amy a b!tch every two minutes? I thought this was a family show! I just think it shows how immature Vicky is and how she takes everything personally. The thing is (I know, I'm jumping ahead of myself) Vicky is playing to win. And if Amy is dumb enough to not realize that, well then, she deserves to be left up to the mercy of Vicky.

The 80s theme was so dumb. You didn't have Tim Gunn on this season, but you have an 80s theme? With Ali acting superdumb??? Ugh. I did enjoy Bob's step aerobics class and Jillian's breakdancing class. But the challenge itself is dumb and not really fair. Who knows all those random facts? I don't know. It's quite possible that I was completely bored when Vicky wasn't acting like a rabid dog.

I'm so glad that Michelle used the pound penalty against Vicky instead of taking the cash. I'm so disappointed in Amy. She needs to see that keeping Coleen would have been the smart thing because her weight loss was slowing down, and if she REALLY thinks that Vicky is going to save her if she ever falls below that yellow line... ha. I kind of want it to happen because I think she's dumb. And what was that crap about working 60 hours a week and having two kids? So does that just mean that Vicky's planning on gaining her weight back when she goes home, because, in her words, "when is she going to have time to work out?" Um, hon, it takes work to take the pounds off and KEEP THEM OFF. You're gonna have to keep going.

Coleen looks FABULOUS. Size 10! Woo! I'm just so glad to see how happy she is and that she keeps going. I seriously almost cried at that "where are they now" segment. Next week: Michelle and Renee sound like they are going to be threatened. That's going to make me sniffly again. I do have to say that there will not be an update next week, as I will be away on Turkey holidays. Sorry kids! I promise to pick the BL updates again the first week in December (eek!!!) Stay warm!!

It's Never Too Late to Be What You Might Have Been

That's me, circa 1985, the second from the right (and how unfortunate, I'm the only little tomboy in pants!!!) My best friend from Pre-K, who I later ended up transferring to my high school during senior year, posted this on Facebook earlier today, and I started thinking: Who is that little girl? What is she thinking? Why is she not smiling? (I think the answer to that is I was concentrating on saying cheese.) Did I have any idea where I would be almost 24 years later??



Five years ago, I didn't think I would be divorced. Ten years ago, I couldn't imagine having to go through this journey to lose 100 pounds (considering 10 years ago, I was about 15 pounds lighter than where I am right now). Fifteen years ago, I couldn't picture myself going through a PhD program to become a professor. And yet here I am today. My life is being lived in ways I never imagined. There is a lot more living to do, but when you think back, isn't it amazing how we get to be who we are today?



I have a bookmark that reads "It is never too late to be what you might have been." It is a quote by George Eliot. I was looking at this bookmark last night and thinking... you know what? I'm happy where I am right now. It's definitely not where I expected to be in my late 20s, but you know what? All those bumps and falls and scrapes along the way have made me a stronger woman, emotionally and physically. I'm a lot more sure of myself than I was even three years ago. I credit that to taking better care of myself. I am me and I can shape who I want to be. I can do that by going to the gym. I can do that by listening to my inner voice and following my gut.



One of the things that I've always done was to make deadlines for myself: I'll have my PhD by 26 (it was 27, but who's counting?); I'll be married at 27; I'll have my first baby at 30. I can lose 100 pounds in one year. If I've learned anything over this journey called life, it's that we don't know what's going to happen to us next year, next week, or tomorrow. And I'm okay with that. I tried to think where I would be 24 years in the future... which would make me 52. There's a lot of living to do in those years and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it... and live with no regrets.

Weekly Weigh In: 50 POUNDS GONE!!!!!!!!!!

I lost one single pound this week, but it was good enough to take me out of the 180s FOREVER and to hit my 50 pound mark. This means that I'm halfway to my goal weight! I'm so excited. I have to admit that I didn't always work the hardest towards this goal (ahem, summer), but I finally put my mind to it and reached it! Thanks for all your wonderful words of support to get me over that hurdle!! For your viewing pleasure, here are the official 50 pound mark before and after pics! PS That last "before" picture where I'm standing sideways putting food on my plate? That's from Thanksgiving 2006. I can't believe that was me two years ago!!

Touch Your Boobies

I'm going to postpone my weekly weigh-in post until tomorrow, because there is something that I want to share with you all, which is really important. (but if you look at my ticker, you'll see there is something to celebrate!) Anyway, here's my story. I apologize because I think it's my longest post ever, but it's important.

I woke up on Saturday, November 1, groggy from a large carb indulgence that I shared with friends (pasta dinner with an excellent pumpkin bar creation that my friend made). I do what I do every morning: pee and then strip down to my underwear to weigh myself. I was curious to see what damage those snickers did to my weight loss. But what I didn't expect to happen did. I yawned and stretched, and while I was in front of the mirror, I saw a lump on my right breast. Um, what? When I put my arms down, you couldn't see it, but when I touched it, it felt solid. I could have thrown up right then and there. At first, I called my PCP, because her office is open on Saturdays until noon, and as soon as I told them that I found a lump in my breast, they scheduled me for a Monday afternoon appointment. I then called my mom, freaking out. Crying. I'm four months from my 29th birthday. I have no family history of breast cancer. There is no way this is happening to me. Luckily, my mom was strong for me, and I got past it. Doesn't mean that I didn't spend most of Saturday moping around, being scared. What I kept reminding myself was that I was young and that 80% of lumps are NON-CANCEROUS (thank you Susan G. Komen's website).

Monday, November 3: I was completely freaked out at my dr's appointment. What was positively weird about this whole thing is that I was at the dr's the week before for my annual exam (my PCP is also my gyno) and she found no lumps. I found no lumps. And there it was. About the size of a marble. Because it was palpable, she decided to send me for an ultrasound. I went straight from my PCP's office to the breast care center at the university's hospital. The women there were very nice, bringing me back to a changing area, giving me a little locker for my belongings, showing me the comfy waiting room for us ladies in our blue wrap-around tops. Finally, I was called back for my ultrasound, and the friendliest technician did my ultrasound. She really helped to calm my fears. She told me that I would hear from them in the next 24-48 hours if they found an abnormality, and if I didn't hear from them, no news was good news.

Wednesday, November 5: Still a little hungover from my Obama drinking, I thought to myself, no news is good news. It's been almost two days. And around 10AM, I got a phone call from Lisa, a nurse at the breast care center. The radiologist had looked at my ultrasound and wanted me to come in for a vacuum needle biopsy. However, the breast care center only did these procedures on Wednesdays, and it WAS Wednesday, so we scheduled it for Wednesday, November 12. One week. My friends who I shared this news with were all very supportive. E and D volunteered to come along and hold my hand. My mom said that she would drive the five hours to come hold my hand. I appreciated it all, but I was strong.

There were a few things that got me through the week. First, and most important, I was young, and 80% of all lumps are non-cancerous. I had no family history of breast cancer. However, my mom has had fibroadenomas and had one lumpectomy to take one out that looked odd. But no cancer. My mom also told me that she was about my age when she found her first fibroadenoma, but again, no cancer. I held onto those little tidbits as my strength. I kept repeating to myself, I don't have cancer. I don't have cancer.

Wednesday, November 12: I went to the breast care center around 8:15, and again was shown to the cozy waiting room, where I was waiting with my fashionable wraparound teal top. I was ready for this. Finally, Lisa (the nurse) brought me back and reexplained the procedure (not that she hadn't already done it, and that I hadn't done further research on my own). First, they would numb my skin around the lump. Then, they would give me a local anesthetic deeper down into my breast. When it was all numb, they would give me a little nick (less than a 1/4 of an inch) for the hollow needle to be inserted. Then, the radiologist would vacuum 6-8 samples out of the lump itself. After that was done, they would close me up with skin glue (Grey's watchers: I totally freaked at this point-- would I be disfigured for life ala McArmy and Karev?? I need to stop watching TV.) Oh, and I would get to experience my first mammogram after that.

That was the procedure. There were a few surprises. First, the radiologist is a man. A short little man that as soon as he walked into the room, I thought I was being treated by Rocket Romano from ER (you know, surgeon who was a jerk to everyone to make up for his baldness and stature). He was very matter of fact, and told me that he suggested I get the biopsy, even though he didn't think that my lump was cancerous. Better I know now, then postpone possible treatment if it was cancerous. Um, dude? I'm sitting here half naked. I think I'm on board with the biopsy. Second, he asked if he could bring his resident in. Um, sure. Great... here's another man to see my boob. So, in this tiny room, there was Lisa, my ultrasound tech, and two male doctors. They numbed me up (I got to watch the whole thing on the ultrasound machine, since that's what they were using to guide the needle) and of course, I started shaking and getting cold. I get this reaction to topical anesthetics all the time. THE WHOLE THING WAS OVER IN TEN MINUTES and I didn't feel anything. I went for my first mammogram afterwards, and it was nothing. There is nothing to be afraid of there. Then, they sent me home with a cute little ice pack that would fit inside of my bra. I was told that my results would be back within 7-10 days.

I admit that I'm a little sore, and that my skin glue isn't the prettiest thing I've ever seen, but when I got that phone call this morning from Lisa the nurse telling me that my fibroadenoma is BENIGN, I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear. That is the best news ever. I have to go back in six months for an ultrasound, but other than that, I'm in the clear. I'm relieved beyond belief.

So, why I am sharing all this with you? Mainly because I didn't think this could happen to me. No one in my family has ever had breast cancer. I'm still young. I'm getting healthier. I exercise regularly. But when I saw that lump two weeks ago... my world stopped for all of two hours while I allowed myself to freak out. Then I moved on, did what I had to do to make sure it wasn't cancer, and now I can tell you that you need to do the same. I read somewhere that the average woman takes six months to bring herself to the doctor after she has found a lump. WHAT??? Those 48 hours before I was able to see my PCP was hell. I wanted to know. And you should feel the same. So PLEASE do self breast exams monthly. It doesn't matter if you're 20, 30, or over 40. It doesn't matter if you have no family history of breast cancer. I didn't, and I'm glad that statistics were on my side, and that I'm sitting here knowing that I'm healthy. Don't wait to start caring about your boobies. Do it now.

Biggest Loser: Redemption

First off, I want to say thank you to all of you who responded to yesterday's post regarding Mean People. It's great to know that I have such a support group online (and y'all know that I'm there for you too)!!! That's the main reason I blog. I know there are people going through the same struggles as me, and while we don't really know each other in real life, we can support each other.

BIGGEST LOSER SPOILERS AHEAD. STOP READING NOW!!!!!!

So... I love this week each season when they bring back the old contestants and weigh them in. I was even happier to see Philip and Amy come in first and second place, but then we knew that it didn't really matter, that who ever won the challenge would get to come back. Also, during the weigh in, we saw Vicki's true side revealed. Not that we didn't know there was a b!tch in there, but to openly taunt Philip? What a psycho. I have to say good for Philip for standing up to Vicki and Brady and to tell them that they aren't helping, and to see Stacey say how she wondered how things got so ugly since she left. (I particularly enjoyed Heba trying to tell her that it wasn't that bad... it was all Philip's fault. uh huh)

The challenge was the following: Using a step, be the fastest one to reach 1000 steps. OMG. That sounds like hell. And you could totally see that some people were half-assing it throughout the challenge. But Ed and Philip were neck and neck, until Philip tripped (which seriously, how do you do that?) But what got me was Brady and Vicki's reaction to his spill--- the friggin laughter. Are you kidding me??? That's when I started getting angry. And that's also when Stacey started showing her threat. It made me so sad when she didn't win. She started slowing down towards the end, which is when Ed was speeding up. So, Ed won his chance to return, as well as immunity for the week.

The weigh-in was interesting. They had all the women weigh in first, and Coleen and Purple Amy pulled off some impressive numbers. Unfortunately, Michelle was the first to fall under the yellow line, followed by Brady. However, Ali pulled out a twist: there would be no conferring between the weigh-in... they would go straight to the voting room. I thought this was excellent, mainly because you knew that Purple Amy was considering not voting for Brady. And in the end, she didn't. And because there was a tie, the person with the lowest percentage weight loss was sent home... AND IT WAS BRADY. That was the best part of the whole episode. I'm glad Amy started thinking strategy, and that getting rid of Brady was going to help her. Although, from the previews for next week, it sounds like Vicki goes off the deep end (what's up with her REVENGE note?). I just hope it's her next week, and I'm glad that things have evened off a little bit in the voting scheme of things.