Tomorrow...

I'm getting antsy. I spent my birthday weekend splurging: cupcakes, nachos, candy, Chinese, chicken wings... The list goes on. I'm a little overloaded on the various splurges that I indulged in. But... It was my birthday! 

Speaking of my birthday, look what I got!

It's my new Fitbit charge. Considering my job is extremely sedentary, I love that it will remind me to move when I've been sitting too long, even if it is just a walk around the building every hour.

Tomorrow morning is my first weigh in. Tomorrow is my day to start tram eating myself well. Tomorrow is the day where I start caring about myself. I'm so ready for this.

A clandestine operation

It's hard to believe that this journey started seven years ago.  That was when my first post on this blog was published, back in January 2008.  It's now the end of March 2015 and I'm back where I started.  I actually don't think I'm as heavy as I was back in grad school, although, as I've mentioned before, I never stepped on a scale in grad school so I couldn't tell you.  What I COULD tell you is that I've been stuck fluctuating between the same ten pounds since August 2013, and I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of being at this weight.

I'm sick of having to take blood pressure medicine.

I'm sick of having to buy "plus sized" clothes.

I'm sick of not feeling comfortable unless I'm wearing spanx in public.

I'm sick of thinking about going to the pool with my son this summer.  He adores the water, and I hate my thighs.

I'm sick of hearing that I am having bad luck getting pregnant because I'm obese.

I'm just sick of it.

I spoke to a life coach today.  That's something that I never would have done eight years ago, but I'm doing a productivity project at work, and part of it is having access to life coaches.  I told him about my life: how I have a great husband and son, how I am doing well at work... but how I feel guilty about taking any time for myself.  And when I say taking time for myself, I don't mean getting weekly pedicures.  I mean, taking 30 minutes to go work out.  Back in 2008, I would go to a 45 minute spin class without even considering the effects.  Now?  30 minutes seems to be a deal breaker in my mind.

So, my life coach told me to create a mission.  Tomorrow, I am celebrating my 35th birthday.  I don't want to spend another year at this weight.  I want to be healthy.  I don't want to be self-conscious.  I don't want to feel like a blob when I'm sitting on a couch.  I want to be able to shop at Target, for Pete's sake!  So, starting Monday, I will be making better choices about my food.  I will be making conscious efforts to be more active once I am cleared for exercise on Wednesday (I had an appendectomy a few weeks ago).  All in all, I am looking to make my life better.  So, stay tuned.

Oops...

It's been a while since I posted. But I'll get to that in a bit.

My first week back, I gained two pounds. Yup, you heard right. Drove me insane! I worked out, ate right and gained two pounds. Ughhhhhhh. I was beyond disappointed. Then, I decided to hit the gym hard the next week, but both Baby and I got the flu. Awful! So I haven't been at the gym for a week now. We're both feeling better now, so back to the drawing board!

Gearing up for the big...

Well, definitely not the big game, as I don't care for either of the teams in the Superbowl. I'm a huge Eagles fan, and Mr. Kiki is a huge Steelers fan... it just wasn't in the cards for a PA Superbowl. Anyway, I'm ready for the big C. The big CHANGE. On Friday, I met with my trainer and on Saturday, I met with my nutritionist. I feel like I'm really equipped to start this new journey in my life. What was great that both of them were really approachable and realistic about goals. For instance, my trainer wants me to get 2-3 hours of cardio in a week until we meet again in 10 days. I can TOTALLY do that. My nutritionist wants me to stick to a calorie goal as well as add more protein to every meal and stay away from overloading on carbs. I can TOTALLY do that. I told them about my previous weight loss journey, and they both asked me what I thought made that work. I realized that I was single so I had a lot of control over things: namely, what I ate and when I exercised. I used to go on 8 mile hikes with my friends that lasted for hours without worrying about anyone at home. I can't really do that anymore. I have Mr. Kiki and Baby K. I want to spend as much time with them as I can. Both my trainer and nutritionist recognize that this is an important goal for me, along with getting healthy. I'm a little too excited for this new part of my journey. It might be the first time that I'm looking at making these lifestyle changes with a "YES!" attitude rather than a "Oh, man... I have to do WHAT?" attitude. I'm hoping that makes me more successful as well.

What's your number?

So, a few things have changed since the last time I blogged. I got engaged. I got married. I had a baby. Throughout all those things, I gain back all the weight I had lost and more. I know, I know, I was pregnant, but I got pregnant at a high weight. I remember the day that I went in for my induction, the nurse asked me to step on the scale. OMG. The highest number I ever saw. Easily. The worst part about it is that a week later, when I finally had the guts to step on the scale, I had only lost 10 pounds. I had an almost 9 pound baby, and had only lost 10 pounds. That was five months ago. As part of getting my life back in gear after a four month maternity leave, I decided to take advantage of a "once in a lifetime" benefit offered by my health insurance. For a $20 copay, I have access to a personal trainer, a nutritionist, a gym membership, and behavioral counseling to help me kick my butt back into gear. In order to qualify for this program, not only did I have to be obese (duh) but I also had to fill out a lot of behavioral questionnaires along with getting my PCP's permission and some bloodwork done. One of the questions I was asked was how many diets I had been on during my adult life. Hmm... I consider my adult life to start from the moment I graduated college 12 years ago. How many diets had I been on since then? Well, there was a failed attempt at Weight Watchers, a short lived attempt at Slimfast (seriously, wtf was I thinking?), my short-lived tolerance for a Six Week Body Makeover, my "divorce diet" (which was my only success, since I threw myself into eating right and exercising my heart out), my bad attempt at using Alli (seriously, if I wanted to poo myself, I didn't need assistance!), and my numerous attempts at South Beach. That's six major "diets" in twelve years. In twelve years, I had gained 60 pounds, lost 80, and gained 110 (that includes growing a fetus, but you know...) What the heck was I doing? What road was I going down? I do know that my current weight does not make me happy. I don't like going clothes shopping. I don't enjoy that I have a hard time getting up after playing with Baby K on the floor. I don't like my flabby gut that hangs over my c-section scar. Something has to change. Over the past few weeks, I've been counting calories. On Wednesday, I'm meeting with the nutritionist for the first time, and on Friday morning, I have an appointment for my first "assessment" with my personal trainer. I'm glad you're joining me on this journey again. And this time will be the last time, because I realize that I can't keep doing this to myself.

It took some convincing...

In my last post, I told the blogosphere that I was going to get up early and exercise before I went to the office. Well, it might have taken almost two weeks of some convincing, but I finally did it. There's just no way for me to work out after I get home from the office. I work hard, I'm tired, and I'm just unmotivated. If I did it in the morning... then I wouldn't be awake enough to really complain about it :)

I came up with the brilliant idea to try couch to 5K again. I'm about 30 pounds heavier than the last time I tried it out, so I was prepared for failure. Surprisingly enough (to me), I was awesome. The first week is 20 minute of 60 seconds running and 90 seconds of walking. I really didn't think that I would be able to make it through 20 minutes, and I pictured myself gasping for air after the first 60 second run. (Obviously, I still haven't caught onto that positive thinking thing.) And yet... I surprised myself. I made it through the whole 20 minutes without getting a side cramp. Including the 5 minute warm up walk and the 5 minute cool down walk... I did 30 minutes of cardio today.

HIGH FIVE!

Cuando, cuando, cuando

Once upon a time, getting up at 6AM to hit the gym was second nature. Okay, I won't really lie to you... it wasn't second nature, but a lot easier than it is now. Now, getting up at 7AM is a chore in itself. There's something nice about snuggling up next to your husband, especially on a chilly fall morning. It's like having your own personal heater. (And yes, people, I'm talking about snuggling, get your minds out of the gutter!) I usually head into the office by 9 and come home by 5:30 or 6. I make dinner (if it's Monday or Wednesday... Mr. Kiki makes dinner on T/R when I have an afternoon full of teaching). and then settle in for the night.

Oh yes, I settle in for the night around 7PM.

As much as I've been loathing Jillian Michaels lately (don't ask... she kinda irritates me on a talk show), there's a line in the 30 Day Shred that always sticks with me. Here's an excerpt: “People are so placated by groups that say, ‘Start by taking the stairs,” says Michaels. “What? That makes people think, ‘I’m so fragile, I can barely take the staircase.’” In fact, she says, the human body can withstand a lot—and increasing the intensity of your workout is one of the fastest ways to burn calories and lose weight. “The more we hear this false message of lethargy, the more we believe it,” she says. “As humans, we have evolved to the point where the sky is not the limit. Your capabilities are, in fact, limitless.”

So... I don't want to get up before 7AM, but I want to be settled in by 7PM? Pretty unbelievable, right? I sound like a 70 year old versus a 31 year old. I've decided to commit myself to some evening workout time. There's nothing wrong with hitting the elliptical or the treadmill at 7:30PM, especially since I've been utilizing my complex's workout room. Or, if I didn't want to go there, I could easily pop in a video and do 30 minutes of cardio in the bedroom. These are all things that I *used* to do... but since I met my personal heater... er, Mr. Kiki... it's been more difficult to unlatch myself from the snuggliness that is our post-dinner routine. Let's see how successful I am with this approach.